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2005 -
January 2005
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Written by Paul Davies
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Saturday, 22 January 2005 21:36 |
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I am 5500 miles from home, and I’ve just met a fellow member of my college’s class of ’99. It’s a small world. After three post-graduation months of making excuses to my parents about why I couldn’t possibly do as my friends and get myself a high-paid yet mind-numbingly dull job in the City, I flew out to Salvador, Brazil under the useful guise of learning the language.
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Are we niave? The foreigners that go to Brasil and realize its not about the depravity or the wealth, but this feeling you leave with... Like something so wrong that feels so right. As if there was a secret and we just hadn't learned it yet or...
I cannot explain the reason for my intense "saudade" but it is real. I don't know how (not logistices, but emotional?) to make my way back there... but I leave my heart open to that very answer.
However.. again after departing from my "saudade" I hear thoughts repeated in your story (in what feels like, a hmmm... flip/inconsequential statement) regarding the taking of kidneys. And I know it is not a joke. And I know how niave and ignorant I am. And I wonder if what I felt (warmth, passion, intensity) is real or to what percentage it actually exists.
Is the life in Brasil SO much more horrific than say, New York? or are we fed negativity from the media? Or is it that the life is (as I suspect) so dangerous, each day watching and thinking about ways to safe/alive... as a second nature.
When you actually live there, I mean not a month or two, not with the knowledge in the back of your mind that you can just jump on a flight "home", I mean live there. Are my residual feelings fantasy? Or is it possible to live the way I saw/imagined/experienced, knowing that the atrocities are real, and without ignoring what is around you. Is life so much different than anywhere else in the world? I wish I had this answer because my gut says it is... My instincts tell me that a very huge price is paid each day just to survive.
Do those beautiful people with their beautiful smiles, energy and passions know a way to survive, or are these tools not required?
Most, if not all Brasilians I know that live away from Brasil all want to "go home", but cannot because of crime, fear, no work or opportunity, fears for their everyday existence.
What is the truth (both, I guess) BUT to what extent?