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        Are Brazilians especially jealous?
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cabecao


Newbie
   
I have limited knowledge about Brazilian affairs and know few of them personally. I can say, however, that my Brazilian fiancée (and I love her dearly) has a streak of jealousy in her that I have never seen the likes of. I know that a large part of it for her is personal and probably comes from her childhood and her family, and that it has nothing to do with the fact that she is Brazilian. It is a given that jealousy exists in every culture and quite possibly in every human being to a certain extent. But I am starting to think that maybe there is some link between the way Brazilians love to show off their bodies (just take a look at Brazilian TV) and an increased inclination to jealousy. I am curious to hear some thoughts on this from Brazilians and gringo/as alike.

PS. The last think I want to do is offend any Brazilians with this question. I sincerely hope I haven’t. I’m just looking for some feedback on a question that is quite personal for me. Thanks.

Total Posts: 18 | Joined Jan. 2003 | Posted on: 10:32 am on Feb. 13, 2003 | IP
ELEGANTGENT



Junior Member
   
cabecao, my ex-girlfriend is from sao paulo. she fits yours theory of brazileras, very jealous to the point of being hostile, yet loving and sharing. as far as sex, she was like a female klingon. she was also demanding and wanted to have her way mostly which reminded me of most americanas.
my current girlfriend is from rio, she can be jealous, but she is very calm and in control. she is very loving, sharing, easy going, thinks or discusses before making a move when something is in doubt, misunderstood, or in question. takes her time in making gentle but highly intense, stimulating, affectionate love. she is not demanding at all and willing to share and help with any and everything.
one other thing. the one in sao paulo considers herself white, the one in rio considers herself black/indian. they are almost the same complexion. the one in rio is a shade darker.

Total Posts: 53 | Joined Jan. 2003 | Posted on: 11:42 am on Feb. 13, 2003 | IP
Adrianerik


Newbie
   
Actually....and not to sound too deep....the more people are objectified in a society (shallow judgements based upon the external) the less stable the relationships between people...particularly acute in romantic relationships where strangers with no bonds (redundant phrase) try to insert themselves into each other's lives.

There ALWAYS exists a bigger butt, prettier eyes, lushier lips, shaplier legs primarily because the nature of objectification causes a desire for that which you don't have.

(The BMW owner thinks that the LEXUS owner is having more fun and vice versa).

Total Posts: 50 | Joined Jan. 2003 | Posted on: 12:05 pm on Feb. 13, 2003 | IP
cabecao


Newbie
   
Adrianerik,

Interesting stuff for sure, but vague on the point. Are you talking about Brazilian society here when you talk of objectification? Or are you talking of jealousy in general? Are you saying that the tendency to objectify people is at the root of jealousy? Pls explain.

Total Posts: 18 | Joined Jan. 2003 | Posted on: 12:31 pm on Feb. 13, 2003 | IP
cabecao


Newbie
   
EG,

Thanks for the input, but I have a hard time believing there would be a difference in "the jealousy factor" between paulistas and cariocas. Could be though. I guess I was the one who started putting borders on this question, by talking of Brazil that is.

I still think it's a fair question though. Nations and cultures shape character to some extent. Could this be a part of the Brazilian character?

Total Posts: 18 | Joined Jan. 2003 | Posted on: 12:53 pm on Feb. 13, 2003 | IP
krista



Junior Member
   
hmmm...I don't know about Brasilian women, but I haven't met an overly jelaous Brasilian man yet... I really don't think that there is much difference between various Western cultures in terms of jelaousy in relationships. I think it depends more on the "local subcultures" (kind of like the someone's example from the neighborhoods in NYC) and the personal history and experiences of each person. A generalization like - "in general people A tend to be more jelaous than people B doesn't really apply in my opinion. Perhaps you could say something like that about a culture with completely different set of base values. In Brasil's case, however, a large part of their cultural icons differ from the rest of the Western world, but most of their basic value system comes from europe. Am I wrong? (I don't really know the west of Brasil and the northeastern culture that well...perhaps I am completely wrong...that is just the impression i get).
Also, Brasilian literature from a bit older times often depicts the woman as the homekeeper even if the man is out messin with other women. I have noticed this a lot myself (in books) and also read other people's writings about that even if a women is being cheated on by her man, she get's the community's support as long as she herself keeps her purity and dignity (kind of like a saint or something). Obviously that doesn't really apply in the modern urban culture, but i'm quite curious to know if that kind of formula is still somewhat present in some remote rural areas. Does anybody know? (i don't mean 'does anybody incompetent wanna guess?'; i mean, has anybody visited some really remote rural places and seen such attitude?). One of my professors lived in a really lonely and backward Mexican village for a year, and she says she saw some traces of it still remaining...
juss curious...

-----
Radio Do Mar: http://www.live365.com/stations/226288

Total Posts: 97 | Joined Jan. 2003 | Posted on: 2:03 pm on Feb. 13, 2003 | IP
Macunaima


Member
   
I think it's like this: Brazilians and anglo-americans construct jealousy differently. Brazilians tend to be proactively jealous, anglos not. This is perhaps because "corno" is still an insult here whereas "cuckold" is obsolete English. Here, the betrayed is pathetic and laughable. In the States and England s/he isn't as long as they dump the betrayer.

-----
Brazil is the country of the future and always will be!

Total Posts: 147 | Joined Jan. 2003 | Posted on: 2:51 pm on Feb. 13, 2003 | IP
Adrianerik


Newbie
   
@cabecão - it was a general statement applicable anywhere.

Jealousy is the fear of being replaced (as opposed to envy which a desire for something possessed by another).

And it is easier to feel that you will be replaced if your sense of what you are offering a person is based upon  the shallow.....a sweet smile...sex...whatever.

Shallow men define themselves by money, power or sex (how much they pretend they get).

SOME young African-Americans abuse sex because they have no money or power.  If a woman walks by and ignores them brothers in my neighborhood (and me) would say "that's all right...don't speak...but I bet I could tear you up in bed".  We had no other manhood foundation to hold us up.

Women have less of a prop to hold them up.  They have their sexuality/sensuality or their motherhood.  And that is particularly acute in a poor area (in any country) where women have little money and less education.

A large portion of their sense of self is their body.  And the human body is the most depreciable item on earth.  Ergo....a problem.

You can see this in my neighborhood where some of the young sisters in the poorer areas are so extravagant and flaunting that a term was created 'hoochies" that describes the tight dresses and make-up that they might wear to an interview.

However I've worked on jobs with these ladies.  They are the victims of a piss-poor educational system and a portion of an urban culture that glorifies that image.  As a young girl said when someone was laughing at her "So!  This all I got"'.

I am only guessing that sisters (as in members of the human race sisters) in Brazil go through the same "why is he with me and not her?" questioning as they pass some nubile hottie strutting down the Avenida.

Peace

Total Posts: 50 | Joined Jan. 2003 | Posted on: 2:55 pm on Feb. 13, 2003 | IP
ELEGANTGENT



Junior Member
   
cabecao if you don't mind, may i ask where are you from? asking because i have never been to nor heard of anywhere that there would be no difference in persons. there are women here that are have difference in their ways, and many other places. it does not take very many people to know or acquaint oneself with to find that out. were all of the brazileras that you have been with that way? also, the paulista did show very little interest in showing her body outside of being we me occasionally ( or whoever she may be  with now i imagine ). the carioca is the same way. there are many ladies everywhere that love to show their bodies, some don't have that much interest. only exception i would make would be in some arab nations, but i imagine that some would if they could do it there. i know of a couple here that are proud to.

Total Posts: 53 | Joined Jan. 2003 | Posted on: 5:47 pm on Feb. 13, 2003 | IP
cabecao


Newbie
   
@krista

Sorry. Can't help you with that one.

@macunaima

I'm not too comfortable with this post-modernist language, but, what the hell, here goes:

Would you deconstruct other Brazilian attitudes in this way? In other words, is this propensity to be "proactive" something that is common with Brazilians in things such as happiness, sadness, anger, love, sex, etc.

And isn't this just another way of talking about the old cliche (and every cliche has its truth) that southern peoples are more expressive with their emotions than us more reserved northerners?

@adianerik

YOur comments on personal insecurities, social "props", body image, and lack of money and power as they relate to jealousy are really interesting. I appreciate the input and I think you may be on to something. But does this answer why Brazilians with money also love to show off their booties? I think it may go deeper than money and power. At least we agree (I think we agree) on the point that there is a link between the booty-shaking and the jealousy.

@elegantgent

I AM CANADIAN (inside joke for you Canucks out there). And no, I can't really say that there is a big difference in character between lasses from Vancouver and Toronto, for example. And I can't really compare Brazilian women, as I 've only ever been with one.

Thanks to all for your input, and I would love to hear back.

Total Posts: 18 | Joined Jan. 2003 | Posted on: 11:44 am on Feb. 17, 2003 | IP
Macunaima


Member
   
When I say "proactive", I mean that Brazilians tend to feel the need to be jealous /before/ they've actually been betrayed while anglos tend to feel jealous /after/. You need to "protect your investment" here. If you lose your significant other, people are likely to whisper behind your back that it was your fault. Many Brazilian girlfriends have criticized me for not reacting enough to their talking to other guys at parties, etc. One once told me "If you're not a little bit jealous, then I'm obviously not that important to you."

In the States and England, I think that when betrayal occurs it's the betrayee who looks pathetic and stupid. Here, it's often the betrayed. Like I said, "cuckold" is an insult in Portuguese and a mostly obsolete term in English.

-----
Brazil is the country of the future and always will be!

Total Posts: 147 | Joined Jan. 2003 | Posted on: 12:09 pm on Feb. 17, 2003 | IP
cabecao


Newbie
   
@macunaima

Interesting. Thanks for your insight. Different conceptions of betrayal. Any speculation on why this is? Why do Brazilians find the betrayee pathetic? Seems rather harsh.

@brazilians on the board

Are there any Brazilians out there that would like to express an opinion on this one? When there is a betrayal in a romantic/sexual relationship, who is most likely to be looked down on and/or blamed? And do you believe that this contibutes to a greater expression of jealousy in Brazilians?

Just curious


Total Posts: 18 | Joined Jan. 2003 | Posted on: 5:49 am on Feb. 18, 2003 | IP
Macunaima


Member
   
Shrug. Hell if I know. All I know is that if you'd try to insult someone in English by calling them a cuckold, they'd probably giggle, presuming they understand what you're talking about. Calling someone a corno is a good way to start a fight in Brazil.



-----
Brazil is the country of the future and always will be!

Total Posts: 147 | Joined Jan. 2003 | Posted on: 9:55 am on Feb. 18, 2003 | IP
Popozuda



Newbie
   
I am from São Paulo and this thing on jelousy is somewhat true. Being in a relationship jelosy might show up but it is because the men in Brasil always have a girl on there arm but have another one in there eye. You understand.? Like my boyfriend... I know he loves me a lot but sometimes I will catch him looking at other girls....and Im always like hello.....do you think I dont see that? Am I not enough. so to that point I guess you coulds say we are jelose....this occurs all the time.  It seems that guys are never satifified and this bugs me and a lot of wemon... We grow up in Brasil with a since that boys will be boys which means looking at other wemon ....cheating and all that stuff. So I guess its something we are trying to be aware of.

Total Posts: 7 | Joined Jan. 2003 | Posted on: 6:25 pm on Feb. 19, 2003 | IP
Macunaima


Member
   
ROFL!

Of course, Brazilian women would NEVER look at another guy, nor even THINK of doing something to make their boyfriend jealous, neh, Popozuda? It's those nasty males that keep jealousy alive in this country. The women are saintly.

"Ele tem um caso secreto
E ela disse que não sai dos trilhos
Vão viver sobre o mesmo teto
Até casaram os filhos."

Chico Buarque
"Casamento Pequeno-Burguês"

-----
Brazil is the country of the future and always will be!

Total Posts: 147 | Joined Jan. 2003 | Posted on: 3:27 am on Feb. 20, 2003 | IP
 

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