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Anonymous
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11/17/2002
23:11:06
Subject: male-female
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hi there, I'd like to know of any N.American girls out there who have had relationships with Brazilian men. What have you found are the main culture shockers for you? What about plan/time management?
I'm interested in knowing other women's experience regarding male-female relationships, valued characteristics for Brazilian males, integrity, sincerity & romance, reliability, drive, etc.
Most of the Brazilian men I've met so far are interested in having fun but are not so concerned about building solidity in relationships. What about the term "malandro"-is that a cool thing to be? Any comments are welcome.


American Woman
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11/18/2002
10:13:25
RE: male-female
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I have (had at the moment) a Brazilian boyfriend in Brazil and my best friend is a male Brazilian now living in America. I will attempt to answer your questions:
Time/plan management: Pleasure and relationships come first--everything else second.
Valued Characteristics: If you want to keep him, even if he is not a devoted Catholic, be the stereotype of a woman with Catholic morality. My best friend once advised me no sex with him if you want to marry him. It was great advice, completely frustrates him and intrigues him. Admires devotion to God. Admires a woman who can truly live out Biblical Principles. Both of them love to test me in everyway possible, but I stand firm and it keeps them both close to me.
Integrity: My friend has it. My boyfriend doesn't which is why he is an ''ex' until he decides to try some things different. I guess its the individual man. If you mean fidelity, Brazilian men define it very different than American women.
Sincerity: Always at the moment. Unfortunately, depending on the man, the brain forgets the moment more or less quickly.
Romance: Can't fault them on that one. Not only does the culture and language make a man more conducive to romance, but they are just alot warmer and demonstrative in both word and deed.
Reliability: Same catagory as fidelity. Some more than others.
Drive: Comes after pleasure and fun. Some have more of it than others. But if you are looking for a yuppie type, you'll have to look very hard to find the attitudes even if the appearance says it.
Building Solidarity: Yes, that's a problem. Work on your communication and your Catholic morality, be fun, be flexible, put him first, don't expect him to be like an American man.
Malandro: Yes, very much.
Culture Shockers: Definition of fidelity, ideas of what marriage is, anti-american feelings, pleasure and relationships come first, machismo mixed with wanting a 'modern woman', Catholic morality imbedded in those who don't live it, differences in the use of language and gesture.
Can you make it work with a Brazilian man. Definately, but you have a lot of culture learning, bending, acceptance to work through first. All I can say is don't get impatient, keep communicating, don't become his lover until you are his time-tested 'first woman in his life'. Give him something different through who you are and what you value. Don't give into his testing. Don't get your pride up when he is a malandro towards you, be firm about what is unacceptable and keep communicating. Good luck.


Anonymous
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11/18/2002
23:04:46
RE: male-female
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Wow, thanks for your thought-out answer, I do agree with most of what you're saying, although in my experience, I didn't find religion to be an influence, maybe it's different in the bigger metropolis. I actually found his ideologies and lifestyle very progressive in appearances anyway, and very non-demanding, I didn't find much machismo in him, other than the sincerity issue. He seemed very sweet, softspoken... of course it's only my experience with one.
Personally, I still found it very hard work and draining to be with someone like this, I guess it takes someone stronger and more prepared.
Thanks for your feedback, it was supportive,



Toddynho
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11/19/2002
15:26:33
RE: male-female
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Two of the most intelligent posts on this list so far. Congrats on your not giving into pressure -(which is always huge, and is a part of everyone's life.)


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