Subject: The American's Guide to Brazil|
ok. I have to give credit for these to "John Miller" and "Down to Earth" posts. But I thought some of them were so funny, yet true, that we needed some more. Anyone got anything they want to add?
TIPS FOR AMERICANS VISITING BRAZIL
1) The ability to samba
2) Party hard till sun up
3) Torcidor de Flamengo!
4) Consume 3-4 plates of feijoada
5) Know the bus numbers in Rio which will take you from Rio Branco via Vidigal to Barra de Tijuca to see your girl/boyfriend for R$1.20.
6) Which Posto to hang out to fumar maconha gratis.
7) Understand the full application of a "jeitinho brasileiro" when and where.
8) Know the full meaning of the words "simpatico and saudades".
9) You must know what “ficar” means or you will be in big trouble
10) You must be able to ignore the violence, the homeless children and poverty around you and just get on with your playboy lifestyle
11) You must have blond hair and blue eyes but bring a black wig and get a tan to wander the streets or Brazilians will take your foreigner looks for a “mug-me” sign
12) You must know the Brazilian dress code if you don’t want to stand out as a gringo: blue jeans with tucked-in polo shirt and out-of-date trainers for men and 2 sizes-too-small jeans and crop top for women. If you are not very comfortable with that, just going around half-naked will do the job.
13) If you speak English, you must have an American accent
14) Poor people are not allowed in Brazil, we’ve got plenty already.
15) You must have at least 2 different diplomas or degrees regardless of where and how you got them. This is not so much to do with getting a job as it is to allow you to brag about your background.
16) Bring all that “Made in Taiwan junk” with you to impress the local folks cos in Brazil we like our imported stuff
17) Bring a year’s supply of condoms with you given that even if Brazil is one of the world’s biggest rubber exporters, condoms are a luxury and those who can afford them cannot always trust the quality. We’ve got enough babies and diseases as it is, don’t want any of yours, thanks.