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Subject: dating brazilian women...what is expected???

Posted by scott
On Thursday, August 15, 2002 at 14:30:49

Third time is a charm??? I hope...
Its amazing how long my initial posting the second try was even shorter....and now, how short this one will be!!!

I am an american man. Through mutual friends, I am being "set up" with a brazilian woman. We have had limited communication, but will be meeting in person in Brazil next month. I believe it is safe to say/assume that our meeting will be for the purpose of eventual dating/marriage. She is 26...lives in Brazil....and owns her own business...

I know these questions will be overly generalized, but I am trying to obtain SOME feeling for the brazilian dating culture.
What do brazilian women generally expect from the men they date???? Do brazilian women expect that all expenses of "dating" are the responsibility of the man??? Is it so engrained in brazilian culture (in any way) that it would be considered offensive to even discuss having the woman share/split the expenses??? Since we are meeting personally for the very first time, is it inappropriate to discuss/suggest that we each cover our own travel expenses for this initial "meeting" (then we can figure out how future "dating" expenses are handled once we determine if we actually WANT to date)???
please provide any thoughts/opinions on this will be totally appreciated!!! i know the trip to brazil will be amazing---i just want to have some idea as to proper culture/etiquette....

is there ANY reason to be wary of the hoopla that brazilian women are simply searching for a way to obtain a green card????

i know these questions are very generalized and have NOTHING to do with the individual woman and EVERYTHING to do with "stereotype", etc.....i am just needing SOME idea so that i can develop a comfort level for my trip....

thank you all so much!!!!!
RE: dating brazilian women...what is expected???
Posted by an observer
On Thursday, August 15, 2002 at 23:58:28

Hello Scott:
There is risk in trying to give a general answer to a general question (it seems you already know that), but I'll give it a try.

I do not know (nor is it important for me to know) where in Brazil you are going, where in the USA you are from, your age, or your professional status.

I know the woman you are going to visit is in her mid 20's and owns her own business. I know that you are at least open to the possibility of finding (or may in fact be seeking) a woman to share your life with in marriage.

After feeding the above information into my personal suggestion generator, the following suggestions popped out:

1) treat her with respect.

2) go slow, and get to know her as an individual.

3) don't even consider the possibility of getting married unless a mutual friendship develops based on mutual respect and mutual unselfish concern for each other (note, there is nothing wrong with selfish desires. But if that is all you share with her, run away as fast as you can).

Also, remember, if you work in the USA you earn a USA salery which allows you to survive in the USA (where the cost of living is extreemly high). The cost of living is much lower in Brazil, allowing you trememdous buying power with your USA salery. You are likely to feel rich down there (Maybe heaven is a USA salery with a Brazilian cost of living and/or a Brazilian wife). Although she is a business owner, her salery is based on a Brazilian cost of living (not a USA cost of living). She most likely does not have the buying power that you have.

In other words, I think you should try to pay for almost everything (however I do not understand what you mean by her travel expenses, you are traveling to Brazil, she is not traveling here correct?). However you need find a way to do this that does not embarrass her, and does not make her feel like she owes you. Maybe you can convince her that you are grateful to her for taking the time to help you improve/learn Portuguese ( do you speak Portuguese? Are you at least trying to learn?), and for acting as a tour guide. Also, explain to her that the cost of living is much greater in the USA and that you are only rich when traveling in Brazil.

If she is worth time to get to know, she will respect you for not showing off and not trying to buy her time. If it turns out that things do not work out between the two of you, maybe, in the future, she will introduce you to some of her friends, or you will introduce her to some of your friends.

FYI, I was visiting friends in the western part of Minas Gerais during July. typical costs (in American dollars) that I experienced

dinner for two (including drinks) in a nice restraunt ...... $7.00
hotel ...... $15.00 per night.

The only thing that is likely to be expensive is your rental car (about $150.00 per week) and gasoline.

Also, she most likely is not interested in a Green Card. She is probubly just looking for a nice guy.

If I ever get married, it will most likely be a woman from Minas Gerais.

RE: dating brazilian women...what is expected???
Posted by Scott
On Friday, August 16, 2002 at 11:32:29

Be honest with me & your self, since we don't know each other. Are you going to Brazil for a woman because you can't get one hear? I know it's hard to meet a good girl in America.
RE: dating brazilian women...what is expected???
Posted by scott
On Friday, August 16, 2002 at 13:15:43

Thank you BOTH for your responses so far!!!

It is not an issue of not being able to find a woman here in the USA....I have dated plenty of great american women....and have NO bad words to say about women at all (american, brazilian, whatever...) I am simply exploring this opportunity because mutual friends have suggested that they believe this particular brazilian woman and I would be a great match-----and I honestly believe that those types of "set up" situations often times work....I am willing to try it!!! There is NOTHING to lose....and much to gain....

As for responding to "an observer"....
Thank you...and I agree with your thoughts on marriage/etc...
As for the expenses she/we will have....we will be spending several nights in hotels in Rio...there will be meals....there will be taxi/bus/car rental (i hear renting a car is NOT a good idea?)...there will be the normal "living" expenses everyone has when traveling....
It is my understanding that Rio will have more "americanized/international" pricing and cost of living....right??
we will also be traveling in an approximate 2-3 hour radius of Rio----I understand cost of living will drop dramatically in those areas....correct????

Am I correct in interpreting your comments to suggest that SHE may be embarrassed if I pay for everything??? I am not a "flashy" show-off with money or anything....and wont be suggesting that she "owes" me for anything....
My main concern was more on the side that I didnt want to be taken advantage of financially....I am hopeful that it isnt "taken for granted" by brazilian women that US men are "rich" and that it will be expected to stay in the nicest of nice places....and eat at the nicest of expensive restaurants, etc.....i am a fairly simple man w/ modest tastes and pleasures.....

as for age....i am 37....a professional....i travel quite a bit (but never before to brazil)....
she is actually from the state of M.G. so i am with you on your thoughts in that regard!!!
WHY do YOU suggest that YOU would marry a girl from M.G.??? what is it about M.G. that is good???

thank you all!!!!
RE: dating brazilian women...what is expected???
Posted by JEREMY
On Friday, August 16, 2002 at 14:33:43

First of all the advice I would have given you has already been said so let me just tell you this. I dated a Brazilian from Recife for 2 years and I learned of the women I met there: they posses things American women just don't (you'll see what I mean), their accents are very sexy when they speak english, they love to dance, you should treat them with a lot of respect, they have some very good insights and views on things and some nieve views also (but so will you about their culture), they can get deffensive about there culture so make sure not to assume things, don't be afraid to ask questions though and last and maybe most importantly spend a lot of time doing things fun/romantic where you can still talk A LOT and really get to know her without getting sidetracked. You only have so much time there so get as much out of it as you can!!!

p.s. boa sorte
RE: dating brazilian women...what is expected???
Posted by an observer
On Friday, August 16, 2002 at 16:50:41

Hello again Scott:

I am certainly no expert on women of any culture. But, there is something about Brazilian women that is very different from North-American women. Generally she will not spend every conscious moment trying to prove she can do everything a man can do (what is the point). Even very educated women seem to be more interested in a man as a partner rather than as someone to compete against. I think it is because many Brazilian women still think it is a good and nobel calling to be a mother and to care for and form the mind of the next generation.

Regarding women from M.G. ........ well here is another generalization full of apparent paradoxes, but here goes .... Women from M.G. are stylish, poised, modest, warm, funny, frugal, intelligent, love to dance (can you imagine samba mixed in with Texas style country) and extremely sexy.

You are correct, prices will be higher in Rio than where I traveled. And, yes it is correctly presumed by many Brazilians that people from the USA are rich compared to the average Brazilian. Your American salary gives you much greater buying power than a Brazilian salary. You may not be able to buy much here in the USA, but you will have much greater buying power than she will.

Sure, I agree keep your eyes and ears open and protect yourself form excess and the possibility of being financialy taken of advantage of. But, more importantly, be most concerned that you do not take advantage of her. If I were you, I would give her the benefit of the doubt. I would still try to pay for almost everything, but you do not want her to think you are trying to buy her (if she is worth getting to know, she would be embarrassed by that). And remember, if something is expensive to you, it is grotesquely expensive to her (her salary is probably 1/5 that of yours).

RE: dating brazilian women...what is expected???
Posted by an observer
On Friday, August 16, 2002 at 18:27:12

I agree with you Scott. Do not stay in the nicest of nice places.... or eat at the nicest of expensive restaurants, etc. And, while in Rio, let her do the negotiating with hotels, etc. I have heard that a "gringo" accent will put you on a "gringo" cost structure rather than the a much lower "native" cost structure.
and yes, boa sorte.

thank you "observer" (and others)
Posted by scott
On Sunday, August 18, 2002 at 10:04:39

To: An Observer
Thank you SO much for your responses....I am feeling much more confident and able to at least "analyze" the situation better once i arrive in brazil.....
This particular woman does seem to be one to "get to know"....I am very excited to meet her....and very excited to make her feel comfortable with and around me.....It will be an incredible trip!!!!
Thank you all for responding!!!!
RE: dating brazilian women...what is expected???
Posted by thiago
On Tuesday, September 10, 2002 at 08:36:07

hello scott. I'm from Rio and I wolud like to say that you must be a gentleman 'cause all of them love it. you don't have to be afraid to suggest the share of the expenses, but would be very nice if you pay most of them. I can't speak about how much money you'll use here, but i think you won't have problems, because the cost of life here is very lower than there in USA. be yourself and I think you have a great date with her.

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