Ana Maria Bahiana: America earns low marks

After almost nine years in the US reporting on Hollywood and
the American scene, Brazilian journalist Ana Maria Bahiana has written a book on the places, things and people she has been observing. In ictionary format, América de A a Z (America from A to Z), subtitled Almost everything you need to know to survive the American dream, talks from Aeroporto (“they are all over”) to Zebra surprise (“There are no zebras in the US.”). The book is, as Bahiana confesses on the foreword, an answerto those who ask her every time she goes back to Brazil, “How is life
in the US?”

For those who may suggest that she, as a foreigner living in the US,
has no business criticizing the United States and its institutions, as
well as people, she is quick to point out a list of places, people and
things all very much American that she loves unrestrictedly: blues,
jazz and rock’n roll, New York bookstores, Groucho Marx and Martin
Scorsese, the colors of New Mexico and the Mississippi Delta, just to
name a few. And after 8 1/2 years in Los Angeles, this Carioca (Rio
native) calls both cities home, and believes she understands Brazilian
and American cultures well enough to appreciate and dislike them both.

Ana Maria’s critical thinking, sharp and revealing, is in part the
result of a lifelong career dedicated to journalism mostly covering
culture and behavior. In Brazil she has worked for major newspapers (Jornal do Brasil and O Globo among others) and magazines like the Brazilian Rolling Stone. Today she is an international correspondent and, since 1992, the Los Angeles editor of the London-based magazine Screen International.

Here, Ana Maria gives News from Brazil readers an insight into America de A a Z.

When and why did you decide to write the book?

In fact, throughout the years I’ve always kept some notes about
day-to-day life here. Then, while talking with Isa Pessoa, of Editora
Objetiva (which published the book), she suggested that I wrote down my
notes by using the old almanac style, which allows for the use of
several other styles within it: essays, chronicles, dialogues… That’s
how it happened.

In the introduction of America de A a Z you hope the book
fulfills Brazilians’ curiosity about life in the US. Do you think they
have a realistic idea about American culture and way of life? Or are
there many myths?

I think there are lots of myths, but the essential one is that “here
(Brazil) everything is bad; there (US) everything is good. Here nothing
works; there everything works.” Implicitly there is the notion that
“They (Americans) are superior to us (Brazilians); they know things we
don’t know.” That’s totally false. What I tried to show in the book is
that the human being is the same with the same needs, idiosyncrasies
and desires. The chaos, the confusion is the same, only it’s expressed
in a different way, following different rituals. In many cases Brazil
has found much better solutions than in the United States, and many
things work much better in Brazil others don’t.

Are Brazilians surprised by what you reveal in the book?

Very surprised… Although I’ve heard many people say they had a
vague idea that things were not so perfect, but they refused to believe
it.

Do you think you share the same perception of American culture
with other Brazilians, or with other foreign groups living in the US?

I really couldn’t say. This book was extremely personal. It’s the
closest I’ve come to writing a diary. There are stories in the book
that happened to non-American friends of mine. And I guess some of my
experiences are similar to others’, but I didn’t have that in mind when
I wrote the book.

Have you had any feedback from Americans who have read the book?

Only two. One from this guy who reads Portuguese, knows a lot about
Brazil and is married to a Brazilian: He loved it. The other was from a
journalist (The Miami Herald correspondent in Rio) who was
outraged. She wrote an article about the book, in which she just
stopped short of demanding that Clinton send his troops to Brazil. The
core of her article was: “How can someone who is from a country where
everything goes wrong dare to criticize the US?

In your opinion, could more Americans read Portuguese, how would
they react to America de A a Z? Do Americans have a sense of humor?

I think they have. It’s kind of funny, a bit aggressive, different
from our sense of humor. As for this reaction, I would think that ,
initially, they would be offended. Americans are not used to being
criticized even if it is in a good-humored or loving way, like in the
book. Those who have lived abroad, or who travel a lot tend to have a
more open mind and would probably understand that.

In Brazil (see excerpt) Americans are depicted as being
completely misinformed culturally, geographically and historically. Is
that due to arrogance, or are they victims of their own education
system that doesn’t include geography (and barely touches World
History) in its curriculum?

I think both things are interconnected. On one hand, the American
education system is facing a very serious crisis. But even before that
there was this attitude intrinsically arrogant of focusing all the
knowledge, the education, around what happens in the US.

Do you feel this misinformation exists even in the big cities,
like Los Angeles and New York, where there’s such a great cultural
diversity?

Absolutely. All those expressions and observations I mentioned were
actually said to me, or I read them in newspaper and magazine articles
about Brazil. They are not the fruit of my imagination. All I did was
to edit the absurdities I’ve heard throughout the years.

Same with the ‘Soccer’ chapter?

Listen, I wrote that chapter during the World Cup. Again, all those
things I either heard or read about including this business that
hitting the ball with the head prevents normal growth. There was even a
debate about it in the radio, and it went on for hours.

Based on what kind of observations did you write about the ‘Race’ chapter? (See excerpt)

That’s something I wrote about not long after I had moved to this
country. And it is not so much about racism which is despicable and
exists everywhere, including in Brazil, as it is about the American
obsession to classify. David Byrne once told me that the US is no
melting pot, that in reality this was a big myth. Instead, he said, the
US is like a “TV dinner.” That’s when I started to understand that by
being classified, people are bound to a certain place in the social
structure, which is determined by the label they carry.

What is incredible is that this divisive mentality is so strong that
cultural groups quickly learned that in order to survive and to
negotiate in this society, they had to set themselves up as an ethnic
group. In Brazil, when we say we’re a Latin culture, it means we share
a common cultural heritage. In the US, when you say you’re Latino,
people immediately assume you have dark skin, a certain type of accent,
and similar hair color. It becomes a definition of race.

That’s why when Americans try to argue with me I give Americana (in
the State of Săo Paulo) as an example: The city was founded by American
refugees fleeing the civil War. To which race, then, belongs the
Confederate’s granddaughter, who was born and lives in Americana?
People don’t know how to answer that. Do you understand, now, where all
this labeling fails?

Tell us briefly about some other chapters in your book. On “Election…”

We, Brazilians, had to struggle so hard to get what Americans take for granted!… They don’t value what they have.

On “Religion…”

Americans are religious, but here religion seems to be more of a
social contract than a spiritual experience. At the church they’ll meet
people who may be useful to their careers, or if the person is single,
he may find a potential date, or even the future wife… It’s
essentially a social practice.

On “Family… ”

It has to do with individualism, and it’s opposite to Japan, for
instance, where everything is determined by the family, not by the
individual. It strikes me that here the family motivating factor lies
in distancing. When I tell people that I grew up in a house shared by
five generations, they think it’s totally surreal.

Are there any plans to have the book translated into English?

There are two things I’d love to do: One is to write America de A a Z Part 2,
and secondly, to have the book translated into English. I must admit
it’s my fault not having worked out the English version yet.


EXCERPTS

AUTOMOBILE

Few things define Americans better than the cars they drive…
Generally, American cars… mean conservatism, patriotism or simply a
good bargain… European cars can mean either status and sophistication
(Mercedes, Jaguars, Porsches), or total poverty: Volkswagen, any model,
is a car driven by broke people. I know because, for six years, I drove
a Golf brave and indestructible even after three crashes…

Volvo is for well-bred families. BMW’s for yuppies it’s like going
around screaming, “I have money, but I don’t have good taste.”… The
Korean Hyundai is a car for desperates, and it manages to have status
coefficient even lower than American and Volkswagen cars together.
Honda’s and Toyota’s basic models (Civic, Tercel, Corolla) send a
`medium income’ message: O.K., but no big deal. On the other hand, some
of the most luxurious and snobbish cars around come from the elite line
of the very same Japanese manufacturers (Lexus, Infinity)…

BRAZIL

…It’s located South of Mexico… Spanish is the spoken language
there. Sometimes it’s funny Spanish that sounds like Russian…
Incidentally, Lambada is the country’s national dance, although it was
forbidden for many years because it had to do with the natives’
fertility rituals… It’s a very important thing… because it’s with
it that the natives are fighting the destruction of the Amazon Forest
with the help of Sting and that guy who looks like Raul Julia: Chico
Menendez.

People in Brazil… dance for months in a party named “Carnival,”
but, at the same time, they kill little children on the streets just
because they beg. Really! In Brazil it’s legal to kill little children;
on the other hand, Lambada was forbidden. Are they crazy, those
Hispanics?! When they are not dancing, destroying the Amazon Forest or
killing little kids, Brazilians play soccer.

It seems I’m not sure that soccer is mandatory in Brazil… but it’s
a very aggressive thing, too: If a player scores against his own team,
he is sentenced to death. That’s what happened to that goalkeeper
during… that championship which was held here in the United States…
Waddya call it? World Series?…

Also, in Brazil people have only one name Xuxa, Romário, Pelé, Lula
and everybody has sex whenever they feel like it, without fear of AIDS.
All told, it’s very, very, very dangerous to go there… And that’s why
I’m going to Ciudad Juarez, instead…

CAFONICE (BAD TASTE)

I’m holding the special edition of Miles Kimball’s Christmas
catalog… Here are some of the highlights… Page 2. Plastic
fireplace. It’s shipped disassembled… and includes a fake wooden
mantel with a Christmas garland decorating it. The product’s
description warns that the contraption is useless for burning logs, and
for Santa Claus’ triumphant arrival… Page 16. My favorite: Elvis’
Christmas ball ornament. Silver, with… his name and dates of birth
and death. The description states, “It deserves a place of honor on any
fan’s Christmas tree.”

CURSING

(Editor’s Note: This one you have to see for yourself.)

RACE

There are basically two races in the world: The white Americans who
are obviously white and the rest who are not necessarily white. Sure,
there are exceptions… the natives of Northern and Central Europe are,
in theory, whites, too. In theory: Nowadays, with so much immigration
and so much mixture, one never knows.

The Italians, French, Spaniards, Greeks and Portuguese are somewhat
of a problem. The State Department says they are white, but nobody
really believes that they are kind of dark, aren’t they?… Oh, yes,
anyone born in Latin America is Hispanic, no matter if the person is of
German, Incan, Ioruba or Japanese descent it’s Hispanic. Or, at best,
Latino which is a race, O.K.? (And, obviously, it is not white.) Black
is black…

Unfortunately, even with all the prophylactic measures taken by us
there was some mixture in this country. So… If the family has or has
had one black element, then the family is all black. And there are, of
course, all those exotic races all over the world: The Orientals and
the Arabs, and the Indians… It’s very important to define, because
it’s very important to separate…

SOCCER

I’ll tell you once and for all why this business of soccer will
never work here in the United States I mean, never, ever, ever! First,
because it’s played with one’s feet… A sport, to be considered human
and intelligent, ought to be played with one’s hands, which are noble
and capable of complex achievements, like holding a baseball bat, or
pushing all your opponents down into the mud. Secondly, because it uses
one’s head besides the feet…

That’s why people from soccer-playing countries are so short and,
frankly, so underdeveloped: Because they’ve spent their lives being hit
in the head by that heavy ball… In third place, because, honestly,
nothing happens, i.e., the purpose of the game is stupid: Twenty
`fellas’ running and trying to get a tiny little ball inside a net that
big. And how many times does that happen in a game? Once? Twice? Three
times?… It’s nothing…

Incidentally… the fourth reason: How can there be a sport without
statistics?… The guys run around for 90 minutes, one side wins, the
other looses, or both tie. That’s it. What a waste of time!… The
fifth reason is very important: Soccer is harmful to the economy…
Notice how soccer-practicing countries are forever troubled by the
economy, recession, out-of-control inflation! And do you want to know
why? Because soccer doesn’t promote consumerism… How can one promote
consumerism around such a miserable sport that requires only feet,
ground and a ball?…

And finally, because it was not invented in the United States… If
God wanted for Americans to play soccer, He would’ve enlightened our
Founding Fathers so that they, in their wisdom, could include the game
in this country’s essential practices, along with the right to freedom,
wealth, happiness and the right to carry a gun…

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