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Of Butts and Butts: Derrières and Smoking with a Brazilian Accent

Woman smokingI’ve been noticing something ever since the advent of the Internet. The fact I had never noticed that before the Web came into everybody’s lives speaks volumes for how much influence it can bring to bear on the global culture. The butt has always been Brazil’s favorite body part, but now it has a huge contender. 

Yes, big breasts have always aroused the scrutiny of males and females alike for ages here, of course, but nobody cared to buy a Wonderbra to make them look bigger.

We didn’t actually have a fetish for big knockers until the Internet came knocking on our doors. At least, that’s my viewpoint based on observation, which, if it can be counted as some kind of scientific evidence, then I’m not too off the mark here, am I?

I’ve tried to find statistics on the Internet to underpin my point but I’ve failed miserably in my endeavor, so if anybody can help me verify it, I’d appreciate it. Any plastic surgeon would care to lend me a hand in support of my big Tit Theory?

Anyway, buxom bosoms are becoming so widespread here that they are threatening to weigh down on the ass prevalence. I myself am a breast man, but I’m actually not so crazy about size. Don’t get me wrong, I like it, too.

I just enjoy all shapes and sizes and don’t discriminate against women not so richly endowed in the upper body department. But breast inflation in Brazil is getting to be as widespread as in the USA and I don’t know if it is that good, after all, variety is the spice of life.

But butts will keep on butting into Brazilian brains like a battering ram and won’t let the tits take away their title. The title holder of Brazil’s preference will contract around its kudos and break this wind of change! At least, that’s what many butt buffs think.

An interesting thing I’ve been aware of lately is that women are checking out men’s behinds. I had never noticed that before, not as much as now, anyway. I guess that’s the American culture holding sway.

After all, they have the means to spread their culture like nobody else. With so many series and movies with women commenting on and checking out men’s butts, it is no wonder Brazilians would follow suit. By the way, have you checked out any butts today?

Another thing I’ve noticed is that in the past, big butts were very popular, now, the tight ones are getting to be more to Brazilians’ liking and I believe it has to do with the Americans as well as the gym culture, to be sure.

So, anyway, that makes it easier for women to have their plastic surgeries without using silicone, I guess. They could deflate their butts in order to inflate their hooters. No offense intended, ladies, I’m just being jocose.

So I suppose in the future big breasts will be in and big butts out, as a fashion thing, of course. Literally, big breasts will be at the forefront, standing erect in the front lines, while big rear ends will retreat into the trenches.

But blow by blow, the battered combatants bring no break to the bloody battle.

“Bring it on!” They say.

São Paulo: Smoke-free Zone

If you want to smoke in the state of São Paulo, now you’ll have to do it in the street or in the open air. Forget about smoking anywhere else, except your home, of course. Hotel and bar owners didn’t like the idea very much and protested vehemently, but I doubt very much they’ll make any headway in their attempt to get the governor to veto the bill.

Smokers are not complaining because I believe most of them want to quit but don’t have enough will power to do it, so anything that will keep them from lighting up is welcome. Therefore, fumódromos (fooMAWdromoz), designated smoking areas, will be a thing of the past.

Elevators will certainly be more crowded the whole day since fumantes (fooMUNGteez), smokers, will have to take them in order to get to the street to puff on their cigs. Smokers will have to walk more in malls, which is good for them, as they’ll have to go out in order to smoke.

And if you think boates (Bo-AH-teez), nightclubs, are exempt from this law, think again. There is more, only owners and proprietors will pay the piper. If a smoker is caught dragging on a cigarette in a banned place, the owner has to make sure they are kicked out since there’ll be no fines or punishment for them as they are regarded as addicts, therefore, sick.

The owner can call the police to make sure they are expelled, but can’t make use of any violence to get them out. And they’ll have to get them out somehow since owners will have to pay a huge fine if anybody complains, and I mean huge, depending on the situation, up to 3 million reais (US$ 1.37 million).

If you take a taxi in São Paulo (Soung POUloo), don’t light up. Remember, streets and open air, that’s it. Of course, with the “jeitinho brasileiro” (zheyTING-you brazeeLEYddoo), the sneaky Brazilian way, taxi drivers and bar owners, among many, will find a way to sidestep this law, but this is better than no law.

Sneakiness and underhandedness are practiced all over the world, not just Brazil, so I kind of resent the implication of the expression jeitinho brasileiro. It makes people think only in Brazil do people act underhandedly.

You just have to read newspapers around the world to find out that sneakiness can be good or bad, it depends on the law you are fighting against. A sneaky person in Nazi Germany was the good guy and the same can be said about people living in totalitarian regimes all over the world.

So, long live sneakiness! Who doesn’t make use of it every now and then? It is not the act that makes it bad, but what you are getting around. But I like the legislation, it’ll force lots of people to be sneaky or to quit smoking, and since smoking is hazardous for your health, more power to the law!

Author: My name is José Moreira da Silva, but I prefer Joe because José is too common in Brazil. I live in São Paulo. I’m Brazilian and work as a teacher and translator, as well as a freelance subtitler and editor for Rede Globo, Globosat and several other TV channels, such as Fox, etc. Check out my blog on http://joedasilva.wordpress.com.

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